


Because I Love You

by Narrissic



Series: Ereri [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angry Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Blood and Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26720047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narrissic/pseuds/Narrissic
Summary: Levi had coped with the loss of his squad, Kenny, and now Erwin. He just couldn’t take it anymore.
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: Ereri [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923106
Kudos: 38





	Because I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> based on a tumblr prompt

It's not that they were on-and-off or anything like that, Levi had just told Eren that he wanted to take things slow, but he couldn't help but sense ulterior motives behind the captain's words. 

After all, Levi didn't seem like the sort to take things slow. It was all or nothing with him, always. 

So what was this?

To get that much needed answer to that question is what had Eren standing in front of the door to his quarters now. 

He was about to knock when he heard something through the door, sort of like the hissing sound one makes when breathing through their teeth. Pained. 

Nowhere near nonplussed, Eren followed his gut and just opened the door. 

"Captain?"

As if caught in an act he shouldn't have been doing, Levi whirled his head around, but that's it. He wasn't facing him. 

Eren shut the door behind him for privacy sake and asked again. "Levi? What's wrong."

"Nothing, Jaeger. Go back to bed."

Eren furrowed his brow. "But I need to talk to you about something. And are you okay? You don't look well."

Levi hissed just then (from pain?), and the sound was terrible. 

Just then a spot of something dropped on the floor, and Eren could make out that it was blood. 

Eren stared at him. "Levi.."

So that's why Levi was wearing a jacket, and that's why he was in pain. He thought Levi was just injured at first, until he glanced at Levi's other hand that went to hold his injured arm. He had the broken piece of a blade in it. 

"Tsk."

From nearby Levi produced a handkerchief and wiped his hand. 

"That's what your worried about? A mess?" Eren asked, incredulous. "Levi!" 

Levi ignored him and removed his jacket, probably not too weary of dirtying that up either. 

When Eren saw the wounds, he thought he was going to be sick. The thought of Levi doing that to himself was maddening.

His hands trembled and shook, and he stumbled over something to say. All he could feel was himself getting angrier and angrier. 

"Levi! Stop ignoring me! Why did you do this to yourself? Please talk to me!"

Levi said nothing still and shot an icy glare at the floor. 

"Get out."

"No."

"That's an order, Jaeger."

Eren grit his teeth. "And I say no! I'm worried about you! Just tell me what happened, I wanna help you! Levi-"

Effortlessly, Levi brought Eren to the ground and stooped over him. 

"I said that was an order, but when have you ever obeyed those?" Levi retorted. "So if you're not gonna leave, then indulge me. Talk. Say whatever the fuck you want to me. I'm not afraid of you, Jaeger," he snarled. "I've been the worst person on earth for a while. So I'd be more scared of me than I would be of you."

"Levi, I love you."

For the first time since he could remember, Levi was caught off guard. 

"W-what?"

"You said you wanted to take things slow!" Eren snapped. "But that was a lie, wasn't it? So you wouldn't have to get close to me. Well fuck it!"

Eren took advantage of Levi's surprise, and stood, wrenching the blade from his practically-limp grip. 

"I'll do it to myself too," Eren barked. "Maybe then you'll stop!"

"..You'll heal," Levi murmured, nonplussed. "Put yourself through pain in my name for nothing. That's all anyone has ever done."

"Goddammit, am I nothing? Do I not matter to you at all!?"

Levi said nothing; he just stood there. 

"Levi!"

Nothing.

"You can't just stand here and feel sorry for yourself."

"When was the last time I did?" Levi questioned, suddenly. His voice was rough. "When. When I was expected to move on, I moved on. When I'm expected to kill, human or titan, I do. But when was the last time I was expected to feel sorry for myself. Never, Eren. Not since.. I was a child." 

Levi turned away. 

"So you can either watch me wallow, or leave me alone. I don't really care."

Eren swallowed, and dropped the blade. "I'm not leaving you."

"Why?" Levi turned, snarling. "Why don't you?"

"I told you." Eren stepped towards him. "It's because I love you."

Levi looked disgusted.

"Do I really disgust you that much?"

"..No. It's me I'm disgusted with," he said, and an air finality hung. 

Even if Eren asked why, he doubted he'd get an answer, but he did anyway. Answers were what he came for. 

Levi sighed. His hand ghosted his face, and Eren stepped closer. 

"Because. When my squad was killed, I was glad it wasn't me. That I didn't die, that's almost all I felt."

"Almost-"

"I got Erwin killed. It was my choice. I even told Erwin to let those cadets die, did you know that, Eren? It was for the sake of the mission, that's what I told myself, but that doesn't make it any less of a crime," he said. 

"And I didn't even get the big bastard in the end. Kenny was my uncle, Eren. As much as he killed and as shitty he treated me, I still didn't want him to die. Selfish, right?"

Levi leaned against the wall. 

"And you. It was always my goal- my job- to keep you safe. But after a while I figured out it was out of my own selfish desires too. To keep you safe, to have another day where you're there next to me so I.. wouldn't lose you. Not in the name of anyone but myself," Levi finished. 

"I love you too, Levi," Eren murmured. "And no. As bad of a person you think you might be, you always did what you thought was right. You said you have to make a choice in the moment, and hope you made the less regrettable one, right? Well you fucked up,"   
Eren spoke, and moved ever closer so now they were face-to-face. 

"You made regrettable choices. But if I were you, I'd be glad to be alive too. I'd want my family too. I wouldn't- and I don't- want to lose you either. And I respect the choice you made. I can't imagine being in that position, having to make that choice between two invaluable people. 

"The truth is, you're just human. I don't expect you to be any other way."

Levi was silent for a while, saying nothing and holding his bleeding arm. Eren suspected he was at a loss for words.

"How am I supposed to go on from here?" Levi wondered aloud. "I feel broken.."

"You're not," Eren stated, matter-of-factually. "Just hurt. And there's a lot that can be done for that. Like confiding in people or a person you care about," he pointed out. 

Eren glanced quickly at Levi's arm. "And bandages. I don't want you to hurt if I can help it." 

Levi shared the glance. 

No, his arm didn't look good at all. He might pass out if he loses enough blood, Eren thought suddenly, and a prick of panic flooded him. 

"Fine," Levi murmured, which was better than a no, so Eren removed his shirt. "What the fuck are you doing."

"You probably don't want anyone to know this happened, right?" Eren eluded to his arm. "So I'll help you keep it a secret. But I want you to talk to somebody about it. One person at least. That way you don't have to suffer alone."

"..I already did," Levi mentioned, as the shirt was torn and wrapped around his arm. "Just let it be you, alright?"

"Alright," Eren agreed, and finalized the wrapping. It was obvious, but the bleeding should be fine by morning, where then Levi could hide it properly. "I'm okay with that. I'm glad."

Levi nodded. It seemed like that would be the end of the conversation before they were hugging. They had been so close at that point, Levi just put his face in his chest and Eren put his arms around him. 

Levi reciprocated.

Levi looked so peaceful while he was sleeping, Eren thought, much later that night in bed. 

He looked almost ageless, like several years wore off his face in the peaceful grasp of sleep. 

Eren decided that he would help him, in any way he could. 

Meanwhile, Eren had solved their distance problem. He never would've guessed that Levi was hiding so much from him, and there was most likely more, but Eren would wait as long as needed. 

Anything for Levi, he thought, and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading


End file.
